Why You Have to Move to Vilnius

To all non-Americans: stop reading. However, if you hold a coveted American passport, then continue at your leisure. Vilnius is in desperate need of all Americans – the plump kind and the skinny sort. There are many reasons to relocate for anyone from the continental United States. Hawaii and Alaska need not apply. Vilnius is not only a very livable city, but it is vibrant in the summer and winter. In the winter the locals frown as the cold weather blows over the city and their lips freeze in that sad, unfortunate state. By the time summer is over their frozen frowns begin to thaw but before they can the cold air attacks again and the cycle completes.

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The staff of the Cat Café here in Vilnius

The pros of living in Vilnius are endless and the cons – nonexistent. I have only been robbed once, so if any of you have been robbed on more than one occasion you absolutely must try your luck in Vilnius, where the thieves are polite. Even though I do not recall how it all went as I may or may not have been intoxicated, I do know this:  My shiny new iPhone was stolen, and the cash from my wallet but not my American credit and debit cards that don’t require a pin code to be used here in Europe. I have never had the pleasure of encountering such thoughtful thieves before. I can only assume there were multiple thieves, since as a blogger I am tough just like the aluminum unibody of the MacBook I type these posts on. Is that not enough to demonstrate the incredible class and restraint of European thieves? However, I have not been robbed anywhere else yet, so perhaps my perspective is flawed? Make sure to follow the blog to find out if I get robbed in another nation!

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Cat Café shareholders meeting

Even if you have been robbed in Vilnius – not just of your status symbol that doubles as a phone, but of your heart by a mysterious girl with bright and bouncy curls named Olga or Ieva – don’t despair! The cost of living is very affordable by American standards and you will bounce back while enjoying a tasty mango smoothie at Vero Café at VCUP. And it’s impossible to understate how great the standard of living is relative to the price. For example, above are the shareholders of the Cat Café here in Vilnius deciding which new building to buy and turn into another affordable spot with coffee and cats.

The lightbulbs here can sense impure thoughts. Just the other day, mine tried to intimidate me with its explosive pop as I tried to turn it on. Yet I will still board that giant metal bird and soar across the skies back to America for a week.

As previously alluded too there are other issues that Vilnius faces which some cities such as Paris do not – the fact that there are not many American expats here. That leaves the few Americans that simply plop themselves down and exist here overwhelmed with questions about Trump and 2020. And who can answer these questions? Nobody. Some blame the west coast of the US and some blame the east. So who does that leave to come to Vilnius? Nobody – Vilnius is all mine, and mine alone.

Avoiding Social Media

It follows me around, creeping around my room at night, lurching for my feet as they dangle off the bed. I feel the wet tongue of the social media beast tickle my gentle feet as I quickly retract them under my blanket on most average nights. Most importantly, it consumes my time and doesn’t let me lose as many matches of Counterstrike as I possibly could per hour. I thought I had a lot of time before, but only after I moved social media apps away did I realize how much time they consumed.

Following a lot of strangers on Instagram decreases happiness because we are not privy to the bad times they face, only the smiles they post for us to double tap (Adler, Rosenfeld, & Proctor, 2018). This can be applied to any social media app, which I now try to avoid. As if we are their actual bot followers, existing only for their fulfillment. No, I exist only for my own fulfillment.

A piece I read helped me because it mentioned that moving all social media apps away from the home screen on iOS to a folder on another page can help reduce the desire to click. App psychology is an interesting topic that deserves further exploration and I will continue to blog about it. For me it worked, I have spent less time clicking on messenger, snapchat, Instagram, and so on. Since I don’t just open those apps anymore without purpose I don’t think of those people and waste time craving their responses when I know I won’t get them. I feel better, energized with positive thoughts consuming my mind and this was not something I ever expected to feel by simply moving apps around. It is the best change I have made so far in 2019.

Social Media Apps
App use

You may argue, that I simply waste my time in other ways now. Perhaps, since I’ve spent eight hours on Firefox mobile in the past seven days. But this time has been free of thinking about that one girl, or that other girl, in fact. That time has helped me to stay on top of my meme game, which is always important. #Blessed.

All in all, I challenge you to try it out for a week. Move your social media apps (including both Facebook and Messenger, since both are equally toxic with infinite scrolling, or those happily bouncing dots when someone is composing a message, keeping you glued to your screen longer than required, respectively) to a separate folder away from your home screen on your Android or iOS device. Set a reminder for seven days. Post your results here when you observe them if you desire. I’ll read them all. Perhaps you, my dear reader, will also realize positive changes in your own behavior that you never expected.

 

How Not To Learn Russian

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I write this article as I wait for the laundry machine to finish its cycle because every day is precious and time is valuable. We won’t live forever and some of us take that for granted. I’ve been learning Russian for a long time now, but I’m still not that great at it. So, I can’t tell you what doesn’t work, but I can tell you how not to learn it. Going to the /r/Russian discord server, feeding the trolls that can be found there, and then losing interest is a surefire way to accomplish this.

A lot of people look for like-minded individuals to learn with, and some of us make the mistake of thinking we will find them on Discord, and to be more specific the /r/Russian language learning discord in particular. However, this place is not great for learning. Hanging out is one thing you can do there but it is not an environment conducive to learning. That’s because of the trolls that live there, feeding off attention, and other distractions. The trolls must be named and shamed. In no particular order they are sometimes known by the following names: Tralfa, Mark, Spooner, Afif, Eryoma, and Boga. Be sure to feed them in order to avoid learning Russian. The next step is to go to the meme channel and look at memes instead of studying. Once you’ve done that, you are well on your way.

Remember to be careful, because the trolls bite, and they bite hard. Tralfa will haunt your dreams, Mark will taunt you, Spooner will whisper his favorite Nazi literature into your ears, afif will bore you, Eryoma will stare you down through the cracks of the public bathroom stall you occupy as you go about your business and challenge you to a staring contest, and last but most definitely not least Boga will insult your sexual orientation as you shop for groceries. To gain some further insight on these trolls living under bridges I consulted the resident meme expert of the server – Miracle, A.K.A. Yikers, Myspace, and the other aliases he goes by. He named some of these trolls as the worst offenders and said he hopes everyone reads this article. Naming and shaming them is how we attempt to neutralize them, but then again this is not recommended for anyone trying to not learn Russian. Let them poison your minds.

I hope they will [read this article] – Miracle

To complete this saga, I must ask you, dear reader, to remember what was said earlier. If you do not have a valid reason to learn Russian you will not succeed. A great way to do that is start learning without any reason to finish. That’s not the strategy I used to not learn Russian but my path was similar, with lots of breaks with no learning done. If you still feel like you want to learn Russian, join this server and the trolls on it will erode your will to do so. Joining is free, come on over today and say hi. After all, some people are into getting bitten by trolls. You might think it’s just another discord server, but it’s oh so much more than that.